tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54573382436602167162024-02-19T15:42:06.278+00:00Daughter of a Hoarder:living with their junkThis blog is dedicated to all those people residing with junk collectors so extreme to the point you cannot live comfortably in your own home let alone safely navigate around. It is clutter and it is killing the quality of our home life.
Yes, this blog is for venting our sheer frustration yet also to provide hope and practical solutions to coping with it and helping tackle their "Collective Hoarding".Feel free to share your hoarding storiesdaughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-4101718888191124552015-08-21T09:30:00.000+01:002015-08-21T09:30:00.740+01:00My dad's books killing us all softly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hoarding can be fatal when you cannot get to your first aid box. A few years ago my brother cut his finger when attempting to cut an over cooked (poorly cut) pizza (it was ordered not my cooking). The hoard got in the way when the first aid box could not be located. I headed for the medicine cabinet but there were no plasters let along a bandage, that or I could not see them. Chaos followed, what with me the guardian of three teenagers in a house and unable to see very well in the first place and me cursing the stupidity of my brother and the junk in the way (i am a lot calmer person now). 5 minutes later we found a first aid box; it,had fallen in between the abyss of books now mushrooming their way onto the living room.The wound was bandaged up but it was still a trip to the hospital. OK so the hoarding didn't kill anyone but it stressed us out by not being able to access what was needed in an emergency. That's got me thinking;where is the fire extinguisher....<br />
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daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-76773689440301182722015-08-14T22:51:00.004+01:002015-08-14T22:51:44.267+01:00A quote for a hoarder<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you live with a hoarder the problem is not quickly remedied by telling them to get rid of their belongings; they have to sincerely have the intention, plan and then action. After much introspection the hoarders attitude and outlook has to change. I love this quote.<br />
“Stuff has gotten a lot cheaper, but our attitudes towards it haven’t changed correspondingly – we overvalue stuff” – Paul Graham<br />
Get more inspirational quotes at:<br />
<a href="http://www.organisemyhouse.com/top-12-organising-quotes/">http://www.organisemyhouse.com/top-12-organising-quotes/</a><br />
Enjoy August and may it become easier for your hoarder to overcome the obstacles to become clutter free.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-61950643627442347812015-08-10T09:30:00.000+01:002015-08-14T22:18:26.454+01:00Five years on<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So i am going to review the goals set then<br />
the blue and purple fonts are from previous years<br />
Despite starting this blog over three years ago and moving out of the hoarder home it still has a deep impact on our relationship and health. There have been some solutions and at times it seems my dad is regressing.<br />
Every January I take stock and review the hoarding related new year resolution:<br />
look back and reflect, take stock, make plans and ACTION!<br />
<strong><span style="color: blue;">2012- resolution and review</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">2013- resolutions and review</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;">2015- review in August</span><br />
1<em>.BE more organised with storing MY belongings- it sets an example</em>-<span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong> 2012 RESOLUTION number 1. </strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I actually take little control and it shows. I have had to move again and need to buy a wardrobe to keep my stuff</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #274e13;">Does stacking folders in a corner count? I tend to have "a home" for most things: books in correct places bills in folders etc.</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"></span><br />
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2.<em>REFUSE TO BUY BOOKS</em>-borrow from library! <strong>I<span style="color: #0b5394;"> barely had time to read this year so this is an easy one to stick to but i what will do is review every 3 months what books/leaflets i don't need. I will buy second hand books.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I did not buy any books this year! Not had the time. This is one resolution I stuck to. My dad has some interesting autobiographies.</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><b>This is so easy- i don't have time for fiction and any new cooking recipes i get from magazines, newspapers and online.</b></span><br />
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3<em>.Continue to persuade to dad to get rid of useless books-who needs a book on idioms from 1956 or "A dummies guide to Windows 95"-nobody wants them! apart from a computer book antique collector? (if one exists)</em> <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">Getting there- need to think of more tactful ways of helping dad.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">Dad has been very moody and it has been like walking on eggshell around him.</span></strong><br />
<b><span style="color: #274e13;">Cannot persuade dad to donate to charity shop; he just cannot part from them.</span></b><br />
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4.<em>Continue to state how the book collection is causing extra dust mites</em>- This year dad started shifting his books to the living room and so this is really impacting on everyone. <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">FIND frightening articles to share with my dad.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">This will have no impact on my dad.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #274e13;">I give it up on this; my dad would have made a fine barrister with his argumentative skills and bully boy persona.</span></strong><br />
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5.What junk does not belong to mine should not be in my room-however small or large. <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">ACHIEVED!!SO i will change this to if make sure i don't become a hoarder- if i have not used something in the last 12 months get RID of it.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">In my new place my mum has found place to dump clothes :( Going have to be tough and delegate</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #274e13;">This is achieved!</span></strong><br />
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6.Sell/donate any of my junk and encourage others<strong> <span style="color: #0b5394;">ACHIEVED. CONTINUE with this</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">Donated somethings</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #274e13;">This is in progress I donate clothes to charity and sell things i don't need on EBAY (first 20 are free) with packaging purchased from a pound shop so i may not be making a profit but not loosing much either.</span></strong><br />
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7.Write every month ANY ACTION taken and RESULTS achieved . <strong><span style="color: #073763;">NOPE i think every 3 months is more reasonable but more regularly on blog</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I have not. I don't like having bits of paper. I think I will put it on my telephone calendar</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><b>I cannot set goals for my dad; in order to make a change he has to want it to happen. Weak intentions yield weak results (no idea who said that)</b></span><br />
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<strong>8. ALL goals to be SMART specific,measurable,....</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">This is obvious. I can be specific by aiming to sell a certain amount on EBAY at regular intervals.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">A new one for 2013 is to somehow get my dad to see a doctor or get cognitive behaviour therapy. I know my mum says he will use it as an excuse not to go to work and claim to be ill. By sitting at home it will encourage him to hoard more. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #274e13;">This is in progress and a very sensitive discussion point as there is a stigma attached to seeing a a doctor about mental health issues.</span></strong><br />
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As i mature and grow and learn about being effective with my time and productivity as well as honing my communication skills i shall be thinking of a strategy to persuade my dad to get help and signpost him in the right direction.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-47198644091677596632015-08-08T12:30:00.000+01:002015-08-08T12:30:01.071+01:00i think i am a subconscious hoarder<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Have your ever bought something only to realise you already have it at home and forgot about it (probably because it is stored away both phyically and mentally). Sometimes I think i have hoarding tendencies and at times start analysing my own hoarding habits. Here a list of things in no particular order I feel I collect and may classify me a hoarder albeit a low level hoarder:<br />
1. <b>Bookmarking favourite websites </b>and then taking ages to sort them out, i have lost count of websites i add which i intended to visit back : this could article to read or items to purchase.<br />
2. <b>Fancy notebooks </b>which I imagine should be adorned with wise words and neat handwriting not by my amateur fiction attempts with handwriting that could be described as split personality; sometimes cursive and Italic and at others erratic slanting in all sorts of directions loops and and big round letters.<br />
3.<b>Body lotion gift sets</b>- i get given these often as presents and i buy them as presents, thing is i don't get through them quick enough.<br />
4. <b>Old jumpers/cardigans and clothes with bleach marks-</b> i find it difficult to dispose of these and even kept my sisters. Clothes which have become ruined by me being enthusiastic with household bleach; this usually ends up discolouring my fae clothes which i end up wearing around the house.<br />
5. <b>Birthday cards, sorry your leaving and seasonal greeting cards from when i was a child</b>- does anybody else feel guilty about binning cards like these. They bring memories but eventually take space,<br />
6.<b>Cut our recipes from newspapers.</b> I am just going to take a picture on my phone and save.<br />
Magazines: I have a hard time disposing of magazines because i think they may come in handy which is why i don't buy them anymore.<br />
7.<b>Glass jars and containers</b>: i collect these in case i will make that candle or moisturiser one day- never happens.<br />
8. I noticed i was buying <b>wool</b> but not actually knitting or crocheting anything because i am afraid to make a mistake or spend time on something which won't look right. I once took so long to crochet a pair of baby booties that it did not fit the newborn baby (embarrassing).<br />
9. My<b> school work from over 14 years ago</b>: i have disposed of most but cannot part with my French and German books even though i don't use these languages at all. My A level work i cannot part as i am now teaching the subjects and it makes interesting comparisons. I also can't part with polypockets and folders as i usually need these at some point in my work.<br />
10. <b>Skincare products- </b>i hate having lots of cosmetic products but when my skin is not behaving i start purchasing a lot and then don't consistently use them which then makes me guilty for getting it in the first place, an exmapel would be almond oil which is not adequately moisturise my skin but i purchased two bottles... hmm maybe i can concoct my own moisturiser from it...<br />
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Are there any children of hoarders (COH) out there who feel they are gravitating towards hoarding?<br />
I would love to hear your stories in the comments below.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-77573565883148375082015-08-04T09:30:00.000+01:002015-08-09T00:05:56.198+01:00HELP FOR HOARDERS RESOURCES<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I started writing this blog in 2009 there was little support available online and not much media coverage on hoarding. It was a way for me to express myself and share solutions; I did not expect to people commenting on their personal experience.<br />
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It is reassuring to see so many useful support and resources online so rather than me praise them click on the <a href="http://daughterofhoarder.blogspot.co.uk/p/hoarderlinks.html" target="_blank">hoarders links</a> at the bottom of this page or go straight to <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/hoarding/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank">NHS</a> for a better introductory understanding and bookmark the help for <a href="http://www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/" target="_blank">hoarders</a> website: highly recommended.<br />
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</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-79482735418467954472015-08-03T09:30:00.000+01:002015-08-03T09:30:01.087+01:00"Greedy"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Nephew is at an age where he is learning to repeat words and one of those is greedy especially when it comes to consuming chocolate.<br />
Which led me to the next point are hoarders greedy?<br />
Are they so self absorbed in their material possessions that they would choose them over their loved ones...is it because they can't help it the same way an alcoholic can't help having one more drink? Would they keep their possessions even if they posed a health hazard? What if their family was physically hurt?<br />
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Judging from TV programmes most hoarders have had a trauma of some sort which is a trigger. There are many reasons for why they hoard but they are not evil or selfish even though on the surface to close relatives it may seem that way. One suggestion for their reasoning is because it give them false reassurance and contentment (temporarily) although at the expense of having a good quality of life.<br />
If somebody has a physical disability or is diagnosed with autism we are likely to be more sympathetic or patient at "getting better" as these issues get much more attention in the media<br />
Hoarding is a manifestation of mental health issue; it is misunderstood and people are unsympathetic.<br />
For relatives it is stressful living with it and a social embarrassment. It is the cause of arguments, resentment and affects quality family time because you can't even be in the same room to sit down and discuss how it makes you feelin the first place.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-82022344306732750162015-08-02T09:30:00.000+01:002015-08-02T09:30:01.330+01:00The hoarders favourite mantra's<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Common phrases heard from hoarders:<br />
1. Don't throw it away!!<br />
2. It's a bargain! People are so stupid<br />
3. It might come in handy... you just don't know!<br />
4. It's worth a lot of money (Answer: no it isn't there are pound shops...99p shops in 2015)<br />
5. It's quality!<br />
6. I need it (Answer: When was the last time you used it)<br />
<br />
And common replies of a hoarder when challenged:<br />
1. Shut up! *$£!^%$!!<br />
2. Get out!<br />
3. I paid for it!<br />
4. It's not a mess it's in order (a pile)<br />
5. I'm looking after it<br />
6. Mind your own business...I'm your dad!<br />
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And these are usually shouted out followed by expletives. Sound familiar?<br />
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</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-61293866587836345902015-08-02T00:19:00.001+01:002015-08-09T00:07:07.985+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It's been a long time since I blogged on here as I have been busy and to be honest it has got to the point where I avoid going to the "Hoarder home" though it still impacts on my living which is to be discussed in future posts. Summer for many is a time to visit family and friends and relaxing. How many hoarders this summer will be able to actually find somewhere to sit in their house? (thankfully my dad does have that space available). How many hoarders will be able to actually sit in their clutter free garden? Will there be out of date food lying about in the fridge?<br />
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I hope to write more regularly this summer: part of it will be sharing experiences and hopefully provide a springboard of helpful tips for the online community of people living with hoarders.<br />
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Enjoy the summer Sun because that's something you can't hoard and keep into winter (unless you are a solar panel though you could be soaking in vitamin D3- sorry the attempted writer and geek in me there).<br />
</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-13719366798903497342014-11-08T13:08:00.001+00:002015-08-09T00:03:01.460+01:00Who has been to the doctors about their hoarder relative?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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A few years ago my mother reassured us that dad would stop hoarding once we put all his books in the garage of our home (not his). 2 deaths, one wedding and 2 grandchildren later the living room has spiralled into jenga again but with more unusual objects (and yes the garage is full). My dad has discovered gum tree and got his hand on a uni cycle and last week got another from a charity shop. <br />
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Where the hell is he going to use it ? His garden and house is unsafe, that leaves the public road. <br />
I am thankful for the rain because it means the Sunday car boot sales no longer run but I am worried that now my dad is getting to grips with technology a lot of his hoard will be delivered by courtesy of Royal Mail. I have pretended to not know how Ebay works to discourage my dad form using it. <br />
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I'm thinking now is a good time to book him for a GP appointment and hopefully get a referral for CBT counselling. He has given up on work (self employed) anyway. How does one broach the subject to a hoarder about seeing a doctor and how have GP's in the UK responded? A<br />
If I make an appointment about my concerns for my dad what can my GP do?<br />
Any advice would be appreciated.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-89689077891889377412014-08-17T20:57:00.000+01:002015-08-05T23:43:36.863+01:00For the sake of the children?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have not blogged on here for a while but i have a lot to say today,There have been changes in our family which has actually given our dad an opportunity to strenghen his hoarding habit from worse to dire. Becoming a granddad or having to borrows some other persons house for a funeral would motivate a normal and considerate soul to make their home civilised so that people can sit. Any smidegen of a dialogue about the problems a clutter house is met with angry rhetorics about other issues.<br />
Since 2009 we restored the living room to a normal room and twice he has filled it with belongings mostly form carboot sales. This has gone from books to garden and DIY tools and gym equipment. Even random bikes and scooter,<br />
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Family deaths and births have not motivated him to take actions. He complains often about the house being dirty but does not acknowledge it is not my mums job to spend 3 hours to move objects so she can vacuum them. I am worried that when my dads grand children come to the house they will be hurt and of course he would acknowledge it is bot his fault (do other hoarders play the blame somebody else game?). Heck at one point there was a treadmill right next to the door with a 3cm gap to get into the room (Health and safety) and what with me being clumsy and visually impairedI nearly fell, my dad told me to look where I was going and not to break his machine! yes teh machine not me. I wish I could have filmed it and shown him how irrational he has become.... and he says I have no common sense.<br />
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Since I moved out in 2011 I have had no respiratory problems in fact I don't have asthma anymore!<br />
My dad gets a lot of sneezing fits and will never attribute this to his excess belongings. My nephews toys will not be able to fit in his garage of his dad's giyse because granddad has filled it with his useless junk which will decay and cause more problems and waste others time.<br />
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</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-58501506284373940462013-07-31T01:30:00.000+01:002013-07-31T01:30:00.501+01:00Do you really want to declutter? Calling all Shopaholics and Collectors.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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As I bloggd previously I really find watching this programme useful andam impressed with how they help the participants.</div>
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daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-63200010887421320852013-07-29T23:51:00.000+01:002013-07-30T00:01:04.728+01:00Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Show<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><u></u>Do you want to be on telly?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Sometimes hoarders have the intention of starting anew and to get rid of their rclutter but as it soon dawns on them it is not just about removing the physical objects,it's also about overcoming psychological obstacles and habits. As I have said in the past, Channel four sensitively deals with this in The Hoarder Next Door as does a the programme Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. I admit to watching the latter with fascination here people on the other end of the OCD spectrum-obsessive cleaners are invited to make use of their cleaning habit to clean hoarders or those peoples homes where they have let things slide. The results are usually positive and inspirational and at times a valuable personal insightful journey for both OCD participants.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><strong>Well anyway if you absolutely want to have your house cleaned and receive some help from a team of psychologists and aftercare then why not participate in the next series. If you have further questions please email me and I shall forward you the details of who you can contact.</strong></span><br />
<strong></strong> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">betty are making a second series of the hit show </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 24pt;">Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners </span></b><span style="font-size: 24pt;"><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;">for Channel 4 and we are looking for people to take part. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">This primetime features series see a team of compulsive cleaners teach Britain’s most disorganised people some valuable lessons in housekeeping. Transforming their unkempt environments and creating order where there once was chaos. <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><u></u> <u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">Is your home in need of a <b>serious spring clean</b>? Do you avoid housekeeping at all costs? <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">Perhaps your living room is bursting with <b>junk </b>and clutter and you’re <b>too embarrassed </b>to have people around? <u></u> <u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">If you are interested in finding out more, please get in touch by calling <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 22pt;">02079070892 </span></b><span style="font-size: 22pt;"><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">or email <u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 22pt;"><a href="mailto:clean@betty.co.uk" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">clean@betty.co.uk</span></a></span></b><br />
<a href="http://www.betty.co.uk/">http://www.betty.co.uk/</a></div>
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daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-39536211999754752362013-07-13T18:45:00.000+01:002015-08-05T23:39:13.574+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
1p books!<br />
A few weeks ago my dad had a startled revelation. Everyone has heard of people making money from selling on Amazon and Ebay, well my dad thought this would be a good idea, so I typed in details of his books on to Amazon and to his disgust there were many copies of these science books starting at 1p! In fact every single book had a starting value of 1p and there were many copies. Talk about not being worth the paper they are printed on.So it would actually cost more for packaging and seller fees. A lot of books have ended up in my garage : ( such a reluctant dutiful daughter.<br />
We are considering just sending these books to a paper recycling firm which would hopefully pay us.I hear they usually pay by the tonne....I am sure we would have a tonne.<br />
<br />
Even if we did get rid of these books the problems lies in my dad continuing to go for his ritual of visiting Sunday carboot sales to find "bargains".<br />
It is a deep psychological addiction for finding bargains and become over attached to them to the point of being selfish and reducing the quality of ones own life and relationship that creates difficulties in hinders us of being a happy family. And that is priceless.<br />
<br />
</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-56397658994903753002013-06-18T19:05:00.002+01:002013-06-18T19:05:34.669+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My dad has decided to fill my garage with his books and the living room with his books.<br />
I need your help especially if you are in the UK.<br />
If you have read my blog you will know my dad's main hoard are books, textbooks and fiction. I honestly believe some of these books don't have much value but would belong in a museum or for a TV programme set in any of the last 50 years. It would be a good use of the books and mean my family can actually sit in one room to eat and relax instead of hiding in our own spaces and break down in communication. My dad cannot work as much now so if this was a source of income he may feel better too. <br />
Any suggestions or help would be appreciated.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-90062727547554319392013-04-21T21:30:00.001+01:002013-04-21T21:30:28.302+01:00A Hoarder Next Door<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The second series is well underway on channel four. Last Monday there was a look at a 41 year old woman obsessed with ladybirds. Have a look:<br />
<a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-hoarder-next-door/4od">http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-hoarder-next-door/4od</a></div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-2576737577927057782013-04-21T21:24:00.002+01:002013-07-13T18:53:30.108+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Spring Clean is somewhat of a mission impossible when living with a hoarder.<br />
The pleasure of sitting in the garden is like sitting in a dumpyard. And as the days get longer (daylight) and the sun shines brighter the accrued dust seems much more visible- providing the windows are not blocked by stuff. Actually i can't remember the last time my dads bedroom window was cleaned.<br />
<br />
Due to my dad's hoarding antics I have gone to the other extreme. My house is minimalist, i mean its so minimalist i refuse to put a lampshade as it will attract dust-did i tell you i have a dust allergy?<br />
<br />
Do children of hoarders become extreme cleaners or minimalists. I am not OCD cleanliness but when I am stressed or have to do something difficult I result to cleaning. When I was 18 I ended up using a bleach bottle to clean a 3 seater and one seater cream coloured leather sofa. My anosmia at the time (inability to smell) meant I did not realise how strong it was. I tend to process objects and get rid of them quickly by disposing or donating to charity, I have never had a regret on any item I have got rid of, I feel lighter and don't spend time looking for stuff or thinking "I will use this floppy disk one day so I will hold onto it". I have also realised I don't feel the need to buy so many things as I used to. I don't own a smart phone but a simple sony ericcson- I don't feel the need to get the latest and best clothing or gadgets because I think it takes my time and energy to actually use the object.. I ask myself is it an absolute essential or do I think I need it. Usually I can live without it. Though I may relent to getting a smartphone as my circle of friends are on whatsapp.</div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-15184819404142526992013-02-26T21:01:00.000+00:002013-03-22T23:53:34.872+00:00Just get it done<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius,
power and magic in it."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would add one needs needs the right frame of mind for this. Maybe the hoarder is afraid of what would happen if the belongings were kept away. Would they feel empty?insecure?angry?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Often the hoarder will not want to change the rut they are in but pour out it with negative thought. Rather than become individuals who have no control a strange way they are in control of their clutter.Based on my observations of hoarders in some strange, way they feel power by having these belongings. Take my dad- constantly criticising others and picking faults- a sign of an insecurity. Despite myself being a lecturer, being forced to allow my unemployed brother to stay with me, paying bills, sorting the paperwork for my house and my dads- my dad chooses to pick on my U grade at A level in one subject all those years ago. In his eyes he only sees the weaknesess and hardly the strengths. Never mind I have been seriously ill to get this far, I have worked so hard in life it has almost killed me. I am told I am ungrateful if my dad finds an outdated textbook. If we dare to say anything he accuses of being critical but its ok to be critical in the patriarchal culture of my dad. I have had be hardfaced with my dad and not bat a lid at his hoarding and hostile behaviour.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Other traits I have noticed in horaders is not taking responsibility, not trusting others, paranoid and suffering from BSE epidemic (Blame somebody else). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently my dad has starting getting almost new furniture and placing it in whatever random place he can find resulting in mismatched furniture and looking like something that has been put together from the remains of a car boot sale. Ultimately looking cheap and unclean. </span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-16041644667198640232013-02-19T21:00:00.003+00:002015-08-05T23:47:50.161+01:00Three years on...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Despite starting this blog over three years ago and moving out of the hoarder home it still has a deep impact on our relationship and health. There have been some solutions and at times it seems my dad is regressing.<br />
Every January I take stock and review the hoarding related new year resolution:<br />
look back and reflect, take stock, make plans and ACTION! <br />
<strong><span style="color: blue;">2012- resolution and review</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">2013- resolutions and review</span></strong><br />
<br />
1<em>.BE more organised with storing MY belongings- it sets an example</em>-<span style="color: #0b5394;"><strong> 2012 RESOLUTION number1- c.</strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I actually take little control and it shows. I have had to move again and need to buy a wardrobe to keep my stuff</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"></span><br />
<br />
2.<em>REFUSE TO BUY BOOKS</em>-borrow from library! <strong>I<span style="color: #0b5394;"> barely had time to read this year so this is an easy one to stick to but i what will do is review every 3 months what books/leaflets i don't need. I will buy second hand books.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I did not buy any books this year! Not had the time. This is one resolution I stuck to. My dad has some interesting autobiographies.</span></strong><br />
<br />
3<em>.Continue to persuade to dad to get rid of useless books-who needs a book on idioms from 1956 or "A dummies guide to Windows 95"-nobody wants them! apart from a computer book antique collector? (if one exists)</em> <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">Getting there- need to think of more tactful ways of helping dad.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">Dad has been very moody and it has been like walking on eggshell around him. </span></strong><br />
<br />
4.<em>Continue to state how the book collection is causing extra dust mites</em>- This year dad started shifting his books to the living room and so this is really impacting on everyone. <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">FIND frightening articles to share with my dad.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">This will have no impact on my dad.</span></strong><br />
<br />
<br />
5.What junk does not belong to mine should not be in my room-however small or large. <strong><span style="color: #0b5394;">ACHIEVED!!SO i will change this to if make sure i don't become a hoarder- if i have not used something in the last 12 months get RID of it.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">In my new place my mum has found place to dump clothes :( Going have to be tough and delegate</span></strong><br />
<br />
6.Sell/donate any of my junk and encourage others<strong> <span style="color: #0b5394;">ACHIEVED. CONTINUE with this</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">Donated somethings</span></strong><br />
<br />
7.Write every month ANY ACTION taken and RESULTS achieved . <strong><span style="color: #073763;">NOPE i think every 3 months is more reasonable but more regularly on blog</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: #741b47;">I have not. I don't like having bits of paper. I think I will put it on my telephone calendar</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong>8. ALL goals to be SMART specific,measurable,....</strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">This is obvious. I can be specific by aiming to sell a certain amount on EBAY at regular intervals.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple;">A new one for 2013 is to somehow get my dad to see a doctor or get cognitive behaviour therapy. I know my mum says he will use it as an excuse not to go to work and claim to be ill. By sitting at home it will encourage him to hoard more. He was depressed 20 odd years ago maybe he still is.</span></strong><br />
<br />
I think I am having a glimmer of hoarding tendencies, I tend to collect a lot of notebooks and not like to "spoil them with my handwriting"<br />
<br />
I have to accept I cannot change people NO MATTER how good my intentions. To end on a quote<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">Enough words have been exchanged;<br /> now at last let me see some deeds! (</span><a href="http://german.about.com/library/blgoethe_faust01.htm"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Goethe, <i>Faust I</i></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">)</span></span></div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-14278177433675074312013-02-16T23:49:00.000+00:002013-02-16T23:50:49.725+00:00Clingy books<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I found a compromise of cleaning my parents living room without the hoarder panicking. Whilst abroad we neatly stacked his books (according to size-his logic) into cardboard boxes. Photographed them (so no accusations of theft/loss/misplacement) and then wrapped them tightly in cling film so that they can be placed in the garage. Thus preventing them from rotting.<br />
<br />
He got a bit of a surprise when he got back. He was not too happy with us doing the same with his tools (never uses them). </div>
daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-78464665434380211822012-07-24T15:41:00.000+01:002012-07-24T15:41:05.333+01:00Help for Hoarders on TV<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTXq_8smqOHYLPNF-bvP7A0x103Pc1hu2WTqvF31lXwUr0rQIgOEW1eowwZhj2n0LSQUXBq4IliqbJ8McYce8Q1BwwR9xuAGUmMPvKUQxBYvEKtuKYLBmcK2i4iP7ax4a-kTBntoRUzCs/s1600/hoarder.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTXq_8smqOHYLPNF-bvP7A0x103Pc1hu2WTqvF31lXwUr0rQIgOEW1eowwZhj2n0LSQUXBq4IliqbJ8McYce8Q1BwwR9xuAGUmMPvKUQxBYvEKtuKYLBmcK2i4iP7ax4a-kTBntoRUzCs/s640/hoarder.png" width="460" /></a></div>I was impressed by TV programme "The hoarder next door". They are now looking for "hoarders" in the UK who are willing to receive help. Please feel free to contact the programme with the details below. Similarly if you are close to someone who would benefit why not show them the poster below. This would be ideal for my however he has now moved into my home (details in future post) and refused to even watch the programme online.</div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-17613887164899138012012-05-31T13:38:00.000+01:002012-05-31T13:41:27.657+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
At last a sensible programme about hoarders which aims to help them long term. Unfortunatly there have only been a few episodes of <a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-hoarder-next-door/4od#3335322" target="_blank">The Hoarder Next Door</a> which shows psychotherapist Stellios Kiosses help hoarders overcome their problem in six weeks. The episodes are online for a few days only. Highly recommended to watch.</div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-89564769579753979022012-04-12T22:35:00.000+01:002012-04-12T22:35:01.143+01:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I just caught the last 5 minutes of hoarding related programme on E4, <a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/get-your-house-in-order" target="_blank">Get your house in order</a>.<br />
From what i gathered hoarders homes are cleaned up and given a makeover. Whether the hoarders are given counselling or long term support i do not know. Once again it show audience's interest in hoarders and reality TV.<br />
Clearly the "big yellow storage company" featured at the the top of the roll had helped with the programme. Its on every Thursday at 8pm on <a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/get-your-house-in-order" target="_blank">Channel 4</a>.</div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-17085744536401135662012-02-13T18:13:00.000+00:002012-02-13T18:13:32.692+00:00Association of hoarding and childhood adversities<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> I had started collecting some webllinkes to share with you last year and they have been sitting in my drafts. The inspirational Oprah has long discussed hoarding, and her websites has an interesting set of useful <a href="http://www.oprah.com/home/How-to-Stop-Hoarding-Resources" target="_blank">resources</a> including a <a href="http://www.oprah.com/home/Hoarding-Severity-Scale" target="_blank">Hoarding Severity Scale</a>. Dr David Tolin has provided much of the information. I think there is more than enought information<a href="http://www.oprah.com/home/How-to-Stop-Hoarding-Resources" target="_blank"> here</a>, just rememember to apply and learn from the resources and not just hoard. I wish i had seen the actual shows on hoarding on Oprah.<br />
<br />
There is a study in Baltimore asking is this universal link to alcohol dependency, lack of security through a break in or physical roughly handled as child to make up for lack of love with parents?<br />
With 2 million hoarders in the US it is no wonder there are clinical studies in the US. I am not aware of any research in the UK or Europe.<br />
Please do look at Oprah website<br />
<br />
</div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-15974269714760375422012-01-06T18:04:00.006+00:002012-05-31T13:42:33.214+01:0010 Hoarding signs<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you walked into a hoarders house you'd recognise it straight away:<br />
<br />
1. Newspapers-piles of them<br />
2. Leaflets/flyers<br />
3. Books<br />
4. Multiple of the same possessions always at least two TV'S<br />
5.VHS/VCR tapes- some will even have mould on them. Some electronic devices won't even work<br />
6. Pieces of technology nobody wants: type writers, floppy disks<br />
7. Cardboxes -even empty ones because you can never have enough.<br />
8. Receipts- they're everywhere and never disposed of, not in any order, if your lucky in carrier bags.<br />
9. Paper bills in carrier bags<br />
10. Furniture-lots of furniture which does not match in any way. Every surface is covered. There are many sorts of chairs but these probably have something on them so there is nowhere to sit</div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5457338243660216716.post-10397792643755859252012-01-03T18:22:00.014+00:002012-05-31T13:51:17.166+01:00hoarding:a media fascination?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I came across an excellent article on the BBC news page : <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16299670">The Rise of Hoarding</a> by Sophie Robehmed in response to the channel four programme.It appears with our materialistic society hoarding is to be rising and confirms what i had already concluded is a culmination of genetic and environmental factors. Whether TV programmes about hoarding is a good idea:<br />
<br />
"watching compulsive hoarders may make spectators feel fortunate that a parent, a partner or even themselves do not suffer such acute symptoms."<br />
So i guess if i show my dad some of the programmes he'll think "oh im not that bad as he can walk through room as opposed to slide under the door frame (like the chappy on channel four so i don't need to worry." As long as the programme does not depict the hoarder as a circus clown and treats it with the same sensitivity as a disease or symptom that i think it has achieved its goal of informing the public and somewhat reassurace to people who are suffering from it.<br />
<br />
The article goes on:<br />
<br />
"Clinical psychologist Dr Simon Rego at the Montefiore Medical Center, New York, who specialises in anxiety disorders including hoarding, believes such programmes are both a blessing and a curse. "<br />
The positives are that they shed light on a condition that affects a lot more people than you think, which can lead to an understanding, and eventually, better treatments for the sufferers," he says.<br />
"On the negative side, what we see is certainly some of the most extreme examples with hours of footage edited down to draw the audience in like any other entertainment show. So ultimately, viewers don't get the full picture of what can go on with this condition."<br />
<br />
I don't want to copy and paste the whole article which is concisely written but recommend you read it and the comments at the bottom of the page which make an interesting read,if you're anything like you'll be nodding in agreement.<br />
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16299670">http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16299670</a></div>daughter of hoarderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13059185770631481269noreply@blogger.com2