Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Just get it done

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

I would add one needs needs the right frame of mind for this. Maybe the hoarder is afraid of what would happen if the belongings were kept away. Would they feel empty?insecure?angry?

Often the hoarder will not want to change the rut they are in but pour out it with negative thought. Rather than become individuals who have no control a strange way they are in control of their clutter.Based on my observations of hoarders in some strange, way they feel power by having these belongings. Take my dad- constantly criticising others and picking faults- a sign of an insecurity. Despite myself being a  lecturer, being forced to allow my unemployed brother to stay with me, paying bills, sorting the paperwork for my house and my dads- my dad chooses to pick on my U grade at A level in one subject all those years ago. In his eyes he only sees the weaknesess and hardly the strengths. Never mind I have been seriously ill to get this far, I have worked so hard in life it has almost killed me. I am told I am ungrateful if my dad finds an outdated textbook. If we dare to say anything he accuses of being critical but its  ok to be critical in the patriarchal culture of my dad. I have had be hardfaced with my dad and not bat a lid at his hoarding and hostile behaviour.

Other traits I have noticed in horaders is not taking responsibility, not trusting others, paranoid and suffering from BSE epidemic (Blame somebody else).

Recently my dad has starting getting almost new furniture and placing it in whatever random place he can find resulting in mismatched furniture and looking like something that has been put together from the remains of a car boot sale. Ultimately looking cheap and unclean.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Three years on...

Despite starting this blog over three years ago and moving out of the hoarder home it still has a deep impact on our relationship and health. There have been some solutions and at times it seems my dad is regressing.
Every January I take stock and review the hoarding related new year resolution:
 look back and reflect, take stock, make plans and ACTION!
2012- resolution and review
2013- resolutions and review

1.BE more organised with storing MY belongings- it sets an example- 2012 RESOLUTION number1- c.
I actually take little control and it shows. I have had to move again and need to buy a wardrobe to keep my stuff

2.REFUSE TO BUY BOOKS-borrow from library! I barely had time to read this year so this is an easy one to stick to but i what will do is review every 3 months what books/leaflets i don't need. I will buy second hand books.
I did not buy any books this year! Not had the time. This is one resolution I stuck to. My dad has some interesting autobiographies.

3.Continue to persuade to dad to get rid of useless books-who needs a book on idioms from 1956 or "A dummies guide to Windows 95"-nobody wants them! apart from a computer book antique collector? (if one exists)  Getting there- need to think of more tactful ways of helping dad.
Dad has been very moody and it has been like walking on eggshell around him.

4.Continue to state how the book collection is causing extra dust mites- This year dad started shifting his books to the living room and so this is really impacting on everyone. FIND frightening articles to share with my dad.
This will have no impact on my dad.

5.What junk does not belong to mine should not be in my room-however small or large. ACHIEVED!!SO i will change this to if make sure i don't become a hoarder- if i have not used something in the last 12 months get RID of it.
In my new place my mum has found place to dump clothes :( Going have to be tough and delegate

6.Sell/donate any of my junk and encourage others ACHIEVED. CONTINUE with this
Donated somethings

7.Write every month ANY ACTION taken and RESULTS achieved . NOPE i think every 3 months is more reasonable but more regularly on blog
I have not. I don't like having bits of paper. I think I will put it on my telephone calendar

8. ALL goals to be SMART specific,measurable,....
This is obvious. I can be specific by aiming to sell a certain amount on EBAY at regular intervals.

A new one for 2013 is to somehow get my dad to see a doctor or get cognitive behaviour therapy. I know my mum says he will use it as an excuse not to go to work and claim to be ill. By sitting at home it will encourage him to hoard more. He was depressed 20 odd years ago maybe he still is.

I think I am having a glimmer of hoarding tendencies, I tend to collect a lot of notebooks and not like to "spoil them with my handwriting"

I have to accept I cannot change people NO MATTER how good my intentions. To end on a quote 

Enough words have been exchanged;
now at last let me see some deeds! (
Goethe, Faust I)

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Clingy books

I found a compromise of cleaning my parents living room without the hoarder panicking. Whilst abroad we neatly stacked his books (according to size-his logic) into cardboard boxes. Photographed them (so no accusations of theft/loss/misplacement) and then wrapped them tightly in cling film so that they can be placed in the garage. Thus preventing them from rotting.

He got a bit of a surprise when he got back. He was not too happy with us doing the same with his tools (never uses them).